Today Is a Holy Day

Lo indeed, for on this day, a day that will live in the hearts of the faithful until time indefinite, the beloved* Portland Trailblazers, avatars of all that is good and right in this world, given basketball form, take on the be-loathed** Los Angeles Lakers, symbols of all that is twisted, evil and wrong in this world. I mean, their name says it all. A grand promotion of lies and iniquity as a land devoid of lakes entirely (or even drinkable water) has glorified their champions with such a deceitful moniker.

I bear no ill will towards those of you who offer your worship to the team of darkness, wrapping yourselves in swathes of lilac and urine to express your adoration. For they are the deceivers, and we all can be led astray. You may question why a seemingly well adjusted*** person such as myself would level such angst and vitriol at such a wonderful collection of basketbally chaps, featuring such stalwarts as the great Ko-me Cryant, the lovably damp Pole Gashole, and the intellectual giant Lame-are O-dumb. As with most epic conflicts, the origins are lost to the annals of history****, yet the battle rages on unabated. But, as has happened seven times prior, let these demons of the hardwood, and their wanton ways be slain, crushed, embarrassed and laid low for all to see. Amen.

*by me.
**also by me.
***If that's what you think, there's your problem right there.
****Or more likely, I just don't feel like exploring the painful canyons of my misspent (basketball fandom based) youth.